When Your Body Says No, But Your Diary Says Yes

Sometimes, your body might say “no, not today.” But out of necessity, or even choice, you need to override that off switch. Unfortunately, that doesn’t switch off the pain…but sometimes, you need to do certain things, despite the pain.

I know that sounds contrary to what I often write about. In my last post, I was talking about the importance of listening to our bodies and doing what they need us to do…without guilt. But sometimes life happens — appointments that we can’t put off, people we want to see, or events that we really don’t want to miss.

Necessary appointments still have to happen. Visits with family or friends are important too. There might be a shopping trip or even a celebration we want to attend. We can’t say, “No, not today,” to everything, but chronic pain doesn’t politely step aside because you have plans. Every outing has a cost. You have to weigh up whether something is worth spending your limited energy on. Recovery afterwards is part of the event too, even though nobody else sees it.

We still shouldn’t ignore our bodies or simply push through because we need to do something. We might have to do a little bit of negotiating with them instead. We might need to acknowledge the pain, decide whether something matters, and then work out how to make it possible. We also need to accept the consequences — payback pain and exhaustion.

My Body Said “No”, But I Had an Appointment

A few weeks ago, I had an appointment at the opticians. I hardly leave the house these days, due to my back pain. I could have cancelled and rescheduled the appointment, but this isn’t like having a cold or a stomach bug. I couldn’t simply reschedule it for a better time because, realistically, there won’t be a better time. There could be worse times, but right now, this is as good as it gets.

If I had woken that morning to find it was a day when I could barely get out of bed, I would have had to cancel the appointment. But as it was, it was just one of my normal pain days, so thankfully, I was able to go.

Plan, Prepare, Pace

In order to get there, I had to do a wee bit of negotiating with my body, which meant planning, preparing and a lot of pacing beforehand.

I showered and washed my hair the day before. Those are things which most people enjoy and even find refreshing, but they are far from refreshing for me these days. They’re exhausting and exacerbate my pain.

I did absolutely nothing for the rest of the day. I didn’t attempt to wash dishes, make a sandwich for lunch or even pour a cup of tea. Those simple tasks are difficult for me. That will sound ridiculous to most people, but unfortunately, it is familiar to many people who live with pain.

I also did some forward planning to ensure I had no other plans for the rest of the week. Going out for that appointment would mean my pain would increase for the following few days. Payback pain is a real thing, and unfortunately, I have to accept that.

Before going to bed at night, I sorted out clothes for the next day so I didn’t have to do it in the morning.

I Was Over-Optimistic

Prior to leaving the house, I had suggested visiting Ian’s mum in the care home, since it was just a few miles from the optician. I was being very over-optimistic about my abilities. Ian agreed with a bit of a dubious look and said “Well, let’s wait until we’re there to decide.” He knew that the travel, extra walking and sitting in the opticians might be too much for me. But by the time we were leaving the house, he could see I was already struggling and made the call: no, not today.

Despite having lived with pain for so long, sometimes I still need that extra reminder from my husband. I often say that I live with pain and my husband lives with my pain too. He knows my pain and the consequences of doing more than I can cope with. I would have pushed myself to visit, but Ian knew what the visit would do to me on top of the already difficult trip.

The journey, as expected, was uncomfortable. Ian was going to drop me off right outside the door, but by luck, there was a parking space there. My appointment went well. I have a cataract, but it’s tiny and hasn’t changed since my last appointment. My vision had changed, though, so I did need new glasses.

Homeward Bound

By the time we were finished at the opticians, I was glad that Ian had said we wouldn’t visit his Mum afterwards.

I was desperate to get home so I could lie down, but I had that car journey to get through first. When my pain gets worse, my posture gets worse. I lean more to the right and simply can’t straighten up. Sitting causes my bottom ribs to grind on my pelvis all the time, but when I am leaning more, the pain becomes so much worse. So sitting in the car is extremely uncomfortable.

So we arrived home to a very happy Kip, who’s not keen on being left alone, and a very welcoming bed…

Payback Pain…Another Trip and a Paraglider!

For the next few days, my pain was worse, but I coped by doing what I know helps — resting.

The worst part was that I needed to return to the opticians the following week to collect new glasses. I should have ordered them online!! So, I had to do it all again.

That time, though, since it would be a very short appointment just to collect my glasses, we decided to visit Ian’s Mum. We didn’t stay as long as we used to for visits, but I was so glad to see her.

However, the journey home was a nightmare, and my pain was so much worse afterwards. Payback pain is literally a pain!

Something did make me smile on the way home, though… as we were driving up to the farm, I spotted something in the sky. A paraglider was floating above us. Some things never fail to make me smile — spotting a bird, watching lambs play, seeing flowers bloom — but spotting a paraglider is a new addition to my list.

An Off Switch Would Be Good

Sometimes, despite our pain, we have to do things that our bodies would rather we didn’t. We can’t magically switch off the pain or make ourselves feel better just because something needs to be done. We can only plan, prepare, pace ourselves and accept that there may be a cost afterwards. Sometimes, something is important enough that we decide that the cost is worth paying.

✼✼✼