Chronic pain affects every aspect of life—relationships, work, mental health, and finances. Despite its profound impact, many people are told to simply “learn to live with it.” But is that really the best advice?
43% of the UK Population Lives With Chronic Pain
If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you’ll know that I’ve had to live with chronic pain for about forty years. I’m sure many people find that hard to imagine, but I’m not alone – there are so many people just like me. In the UK, 43% of the population deal with chronic pain, and over 14% of them are living with pain that is either moderately or severely disabling.
It might be hard to imagine having pain all the time and for so long. I’ve often heard people say, “I don’t know how you do it.” The thing is, we have no other option. Living with pain isn’t a choice.
Doctors Often Say, “Learn to Live With the Pain”
In the UK, chronic pain is classed as pain that’s been ongoing for over twelve weeks or more. Sometimes people have to live with their pain for months or even years. Many years. And, very often, there is no end in sight, just a life full of pain. Because of this, people who live with chronic pain can become desperate. They need relief from their agony. They need help, support, and empathy – because, without that, their future feels bleak.
Yet, sometimes their doctor’s advice is to “learn to live with the pain.” To an extent, that is true – we do need to learn to find of way of living with it. But we need support from doctors to do that.
Yet, some doctors advise patients to “learn to live with the pain.” While this advice may come from a place of wanting to help, it can feel dismissive if not accompanied by support and a treatment plan.
Some doctors do offer this advice with empathy, acknowledging they can’t cure the pain but suggesting coping strategies alongside treatment. Unfortunately, not all doctors are like that. Some may be dismissive, offering no support or treatment options, leaving patients feeling unheard and unsupported.
I’ve Had to Learn to Live With the Pain
Because I live with chronic pain, I’ve had to learn numerous coping skills over the years. I’ve learned breathing and relaxation techniques, pacing, and I use distractions to get me through the days…and nights. I’ve tried countless gadgets like TENS machines, heat lamps and massagers, and I have drawers full of heat pads, creams, gels and oils along with copper bangles and magnetic bracelets.
But most importantly, I’ve had to learn about my own pain accept that I couldn’t do the things I wanted to do.
However, I couldn’t manage any of this without medication and support from my GP.
“You Shouldn’t Have to Live With This Level of Pain”
During a particularly bad spell when my pain really intensified, I struggled to cope. But during that time, I felt frustrated with myself because I believed that I should be able to handle it. I told my GP, “The pain has just reached a new level, and I know I need to learn to live with it.”
I said that because other doctors have said it to me at times, and I had believed them but, thankfully, this GP disagreed. He said it wasn’t acceptable to live with that level of pain and prescribed additional medication, along with blood tests and X-rays. He listened, believed me, and empathized. Not all doctors are as empathetic, and some might have dismissed my concerns.
Other doctors might not have been as empathetic. Some doctors might have shrugged their shoulders and told me that I’d need to just figure out a way of living with it.
His response made me realize that it’s okay to admit when you’re struggling and that doctors should never tell patients to “just learn to live with the pain” without offering support and treatment options.
Is it Only Chronic Pain Patients Who Are Told They Need to Learn to Live With Their Condition?
I’ve heard of people at their lowest point, struggling with agonising pain, visiting their GP or the emergency department, only to be refused help or given inadequate treatment. Many have been told to go home, take some paracetamol, and “learn to live with it.”
If someone goes to the hospital with a broken leg, they’re not sent home with just paracetamol. Doctors wouldn’t tell someone with heart disease, kidney disease, or cancer to simply learn to live with it. They’d order thorough investigations, make referrals, and organise treatments.
The same should happen for patients with chronic pain.
Chronic pain is Difficult to Treat
Chronic pain is challenging to treat. I understand that and I don’t envy any doctors trying to manage it because I know there are no magic solutions. But telling patients to learn to live with it without providing adequate help and support is unacceptable.
A comprehensive treatment plan should be implemented to ensure patients have the best quality of life possible. People need support, empathy, and hope. Without these, living with chronic pain can become soul-destroying and too difficult to bear.
Dismissing patients and leaving them with no hope is wrong.
An Adequate Pain Management Plan is Necessary
As patients, we do need to learn coping techniques because they can make the pain more bearable. However, coping skills should be used in conjunction with clinician-led pain management.
Living with chronic pain is difficult. Nobody should feel as though they are wasting a doctor’s time. They shouldn’t feel unsupported.
In an ideal world:
- Doctors should take the time to listen to their patients…and believe them.
- GPs should make referrals to specialists, physiotherapy, occupational health, and pain clinics.
- They should investigate new pain or a sudden exacerbation of pain.
- They should ensure their patient has adequate pain relief.
- A doctor should ask how the pain affects their patient’s life and mental health. They should offer counselling as it can sometimes be helpful.
- They should also consider complementary and alternative treatments and therapies.
- They should always offer support and follow-ups.
- And they should never dismiss their patient with, “Just learn to live with the pain.”
It’s just a pity that we’re not living in an ideal world.
A Doctor’s Best Advice Should Never Be, “Just Learn to Live With the Pain”
If a doctor believes the best advice they can give to a chronic pain patient is “just learn to live with the pain,” without offering additional support and a treatment plan, perhaps they should reconsider their approach.
It’s not acceptable. It is unfair, unkind and inhumane.
Thank you so much for reading.
If this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
And feel free to share it with your friends or support groups.
Take care,
Liz.
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A doctor’s priority should always be to treat, support, and empathise
Another excellent post, Liz. Sorry I had problems commenting before so I’m trying again. It’s a tough one when dealing with pain that has no cure, no way to get rid of it or even make it a whole lot better temporarily. We understand we have to live with it and have no choice, but you’re right, too many doctors think it’s an easy case then and just usher the patients out the door because they can’t do anything. So they don’t suggest pain relief because that might actually help, they don’t offer a treatment plan, or even offer a little empathy. It’s understandable but it’s not okay. The worst of it is probably those doctors who suggest you’ve got a low pain threshold, or that it’s all in your head. That’s a kick in the face with steel-toe Dr Martens.
I’m really glad you found a doctor who listened, believed you, empathised and tried to actually help. That is, after all, what doctors are paid to do, and yet it comes as a surprise when they do their job properly! Maybe the empathy is an added extra, but medical professionals trying to help shouldn’t be a rarity.
I like your comparison to other problems and how patients aren’t told to just learn to live with it. Very true. I still think some of it is doctors not believing the patient. They can’t imagine pain could really be that bad.
Your post should be seen by the NHS bodies who train doctors and make guidelines. If only any of them actually cared about the patients…!
This is a brilliant post Liz. It’s really sad that doctors who are supposed to help us can often make us feel worse and dismiss us without any advice, treatment or coping strategies. I remember when I was first diagnosed with a nervous system disorder, the doctor who told me was laid back in his chair with his feet up on the table playing with his pen and told me casually that there’s nothing they could do and to just lay down whenever I feel unwell. I think a part of the problem is most doctors themselves haven’t experienced chronic pain or illness and had no idea just how debilitating it is. I’m so sorry you’ve had bad experiences with doctors too but pleased you saw one who cared. Imagine the massive difference it would make if everything listed in your ideal world happened. Sadly so many are just dismissed and told to live it which makes a difficult situation even worse.