Learning to listen to your body when you’re in pain is easier said than done. I have lived with pain for most of my life. Chronic severe pain, which has been both disabling and debilitating. At times, it’s been extremely difficult to cope.
For many years, I tried to fight against my pain. However, that only made my pain worse. Eventually, I learned that I needed to listen to my body. It didn’t stop the pain, but I was able to cope with it better.
I Stopped Fighting, and Learned to Listen to My Body Instead
I have a few conditions I live with:
- a facial pain condition called trigeminal neuralgia
- back and rib pain due to scoliosis
- osteoporosis
- osteoarthritis
- coeliac disease
- Raynaud’s…I’ll stop there, otherwise, you might think I am writing a medical encyclopaedia.
Constant pain can be soul-destroying and can affect so many aspects of your life. It’s not just about the physical pain. Guilt can creep in, as can loneliness. Stress, depression and anxiety can all accompany chronic pain, therefore it can be very controlling.
I had to take ill-health retirement when I was twenty-eight due to my back pain. I had only been married for two years.
Life was never easy, but somehow, I got through most days with a smile on my face. Sometimes that smile was genuine, but very often, it was far from that.
I had always been fighting against my pain. Then I realised that I had to learn to listen to what my body was telling me.
I Was Living in a Battleground with my Pain
About twenty years ago, I was in the hospital when I met a woman who had severe osteoarthritis. She told me that she would never let her pain beat her. She was determined to fight against it.
Her words struck a chord with me because I had often used them myself.
From my mid-teens, I had been living with chronic, disabling back pain and I had been determined not to let it beat me. I wanted to have a ‘normal’ life, doing things that most other teenagers do. There was no way I could allow my pain to win. I hadn’t wanted to admit defeat and give up work, so had fought and fought every day to keep going.
When I heard those words from that woman, something suddenly clicked in my brain. It was a bit of an eye-opener for me.
The words I had always used about my pain were all related to fighting.
Those were combative words.
I Had Been Fighting Against My Pain Instead of Listening to My Body
After chatting with that woman, it suddenly occurred to me that I had been living in a battleground, constantly fighting against my pain.
Who was winning that fight? Well, it certainly wasn’t me.
How could I possibly win? I was fighting against something so much stronger than me. My pain had the ability to rule my life. It could make me pass out or drop me to my knees. I needed help with simple everyday tasks like making a meal or getting out of bed. My pain was in control. How could I ever win a battle against it?
I Could Never Win That Fight
I was fighting against something extremely powerful – and it was a fight I could never win.
The Pain Was Mine – It was Part of me
I realised that the pain was mine. It was part of me. Therefore, I had been putting myself into a battleground to fight against myself.
I had been fighting against myself for half my life.
I could never win the battle, no matter how hard I tried. The pain won. Always. And when it won, I felt defeated and miserable. I felt like a failure.
A Smile Can Hide the Truth
People didn’t see that because I wore a smile on my face. But a smile can hide so much.
I Learned to Listen to My Body
I learned a lot about myself that day. And from then, I changed how I viewed my pain. I realised that I needed to learn to live with it, rather than fight against it constantly.
My pain was strong and powerful. Pain talks and I learned that if I didn’t listen to its quiet voice, it would become louder. The less I listened, the louder it became.
Obviously, my pain was there for a reason. It wanted to warn me that I needed to slow down, sit down, or lie down. Perhaps I’d been on my feet for too long or I’d pushed my boundaries. Or perhaps I simply needed more sleep.
I learned to listen to my body and give it some respect. I tried to do what it wanted me to do because if I didn’t, I would suffer more. If my pain said sit down, I sat down. If it said I should spend the afternoon in bed, I did that. I tried to stop pushing boundaries. I learned to listen and tried to stop fighting against my pain.
Learning to Listen to My Body Was Being Kind to Myself
Learning to listen to my body was probably the kindest thing I’ve ever done for myself. By not fighting against my pain, I am doing what’s best for me. It doesn’t mean I’m giving up or giving in.
I can’t say that I am always ecstatically happy to listen, but I know that if I don’t, my pain will be worse. I do still try to push my boundaries a wee bit too often, but when my pain shouts, I listen.
It’s the difference between living in a peaceful environment and living in a battleground. For me, a battleground is a negative, unhealthy place to be.
People say I cope well with my pain. But, quite simply, it’s part of my life, so I have to make the best of it. Despite my pain, I want to enjoy living. That’s easier to do since I stopped fighting against it and learned to listen to my body instead.
Do you live with constant pain? How do you cope with it? Do you feel as though you’re in a battleground with it?
Thank you so much for reading.
If this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
And feel free to share it with your friends or support groups.
Take care,
Liz.
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This pain sounds awful but I like the way that you listen to your body as a coping mechanism. I had the pain of asthma last winter and the worse was the lack of sleep
Thanks Tara, yes, it’s a pretty horrible pain. Asthma must also be a terrible condition to have. You are so right about lack of sleep.
As someone who shares TN and arthritis, I feel your pain… no pun intended. I have learned to figure out what triggers my pain, and stress is a big one. Unfortunately, as much as we want to regulate stress to a tiny box in our lives, that isn’t always possible. I’m dealing with an elderly parent with dementia, and a husband who has a personality disorder. There is no easy fix for either, and all the meditating in the world doesn’t make it go away. I have to deal, and usually it is stressful.
I struggle with still wanting to do the things I did when I was eighteen. Now I’m fifty-seven. My body just isn’t the same, and I have to give myself permission to take it easy.
I keep promising myself that I’ll start writing in a pain diary, and I don’t do it. But I recognize that if I did, that would not just be listening to my pain, it would be a reminder, as I look back, what triggers the pain.
Hi, thanks for commenting. I’m sorry you also have TN and arthritis. You’re right, stress is a major trigger for pain, and you are dealing with such a lot. I hope you get emotional support to help. Sometimes pain diaries are a good outlet at the time, but often not good to look back at. Often worth putting them into the trash.
My mom has lived with constant pain for most of her life. She is my inspiration. Great article!
Hi Kathy, thanks for commenting. Sorry that your Mom also lives with pain. Hope this is a low pain day for her.
My sister has multiple medical conditions and has lived with pain for many years ? she can barely get out of bed most days.
I’m glad to see that you’re trying to get the most out of life. God bless.
Hi there, so sorry about your sister. It must be hard for you to see her like that. I do try to get the most out of life, but for me, that’s enjoying the simple things. I’m not out the house much, but I accept that and still enjoy life. (But that’s a whole other post?)
I totally get what you’re saying. It’s like when I had severe mental health pro, I didn’t turn a corner until I accepted it. Now I’m living with chronic pain, I’ve had to accept my new normal.
Hello, I’m sorry to hear about your pain. I am 42 years old now, but when I was 12 years of age I had Scoliosis surgery with a curve at 50 degrees. I know that medical research has changed a little. I am currently on opiates for Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, DDD and other diseases that come with that. I have so many bad days with pain and stiffness. If I didn’t have my pain meds I don’t know what I would do. I don’t wish this on anyone.
Hi there, I’m also sorry that you’re living with all your pain too. It really is difficult to live with pain every single day. It’s sad that you went through surgery all those years ago to correct your scoliosis, yet you have ended up like this. I’m so sorry. Back problems can be so complex, can’t they? I’m on a mix of meds including anticonvulsants at the moment for my pain. But often they need to be changed to try to get better results. I hope you can find some hope and positivity for the coming year.
Thank you for your kind words. I am definitely working on a positive New Year.
I am 43 from Europe. I am new here and I like your blog! I have OA, problems with SI joints and spine and recently with ribbs. Daily pain, mostly in the house.
Hi there, thanks for dropping by and leaving me a comment. Sorry to hear about your pain issues. I hope you are in a warmer part of Europe. I live in Scotland and it is bitterly cold just now.
Here is also quite cold outside. The summer can be very hot. And then north wind, south wind. For me nothing good. You have mentioned ribb pain. This is something new too me.
I am afraid if I listed all the issues I have it would also sound like writing the index to a medical book!! lol. As mentioned elsewhere, it is time for 89 years at it, I do not fight the pains and, problems they cause. Still not easy, I want and need to do so many things. Right now Sciatica and severe RLS ( with other nasties having a say!) are trying me, three months off my feet did wonders for my Lymphedema, ankles and legs slim as were at 18yrs.Being very curious about many things is good, I start to research something and become absorbed by it, one thing always leads to another…One of my Mantras is ‘Where there is a will there is a way’ (pretty tricky at times!!) One thing I remember in my short school years, (left at 13years old back then, working at veterinarians, loving it!!) my teacher said many times when you say ‘can’t’ add R Y and you have ‘can try’. I know and agree all things are easy to say!!
The point about paying attention to what your body is actually telling you, rather than pushing through or dismissing those signals, resonates a lot. There is often a reflex to either ignore pain entirely or catastrophize it – but treating those sensations as information worth listening to can really shift things. Pacing and noticing what makes things better or worse seems like one of the most practical skills for managing long-term pain.
The idea of treating your body as something to listen to rather than fight against is so well put. When pain is constant, it’s easy to shift into a mode of just pushing through – but that adversarial relationship tends to make everything harder. Tuning in to what the body is actually communicating, even when what it’s saying is frustrating, tends to be far more useful than bracing against it. Small signals are often worth paying attention to long before they become loud ones.