Pain is Frustrating ~ Finding Ways to Cope

I can’t count how many times I’ve sighed, ‘This is so frustrating,’ because my pain has got the better of me.

Pain can be a bit of a control freak. It decides what you can and can’t do. It dictates everything — from whether you can attend an exciting event to whether you can manage the most mundane of tasks.

It can be even harder when you live with more than one type of pain, or when chronic illness adds extra layers to the struggle. Just when one part of your body starts to calm down a little, somewhere else flares up. The frustration is very real.

My Pain Has Been Frustrating Me Lately…a Lot

I think I’ve pushed myself a bit too much lately, which has caused my pain to flare up more than usual. By “usual,” I mean the baseline pain that’s a constant in my life.

I’d love to get into my art room and draw or maybe bake myself some gluten-free cookies. My mother-in-law is in a nursing home – I’d love to visit her more often. My goodness, what I would give to be able to put my socks on myself. There are so many things I’d love to do, but, because of my pain, I can’t…and it can become so frustrating.

My Back Hasn’t Been Playing Nice

Because of my scoliosis, the ribs on the right side of my body sit very close to my pelvis. But sometimes, it feels as though my rib cage sinks even further, making me lean to the side more. When that happens, my back becomes more painful with the muscles going into spasm. That’s my normal, but lately it’s been worse than normal.

There are lots of things that can make it worse: sitting too long without moving, being on my feet for too long, driving, getting out of bed the wrong way…and, of course, sometimes it just gets worse for no reason at all.

It’s the same with my face pain, headaches, joints, and feet. Sometimes I know exactly what triggers the pain, but other times, I have absolutely no idea.

Some People Reach For Stars – I Reached For Flies

My back hasn’t been playing nice for a while. It was just starting to ease a wee bit when I accidentally made it worse. Please don’t laugh…

We have a very high skylight window in the kitchen. A few weeks ago, one sunny afternoon, I looked up and noticed the window was covered in at least fifty flies. I think they were having a party up there…and getting a buzz out of it too. (Sorry!)

There Are No Flies on Me

My hubby wasn’t at home, so I decided just to wing it and tackle them myself before he arrived home. I added two long hose extensions to my vacuum and hoovered them up.

All gone. They were no longer buzzing, but I certainly was. I even contemplated having a wee tipple on the fly to celebrate.

No Flies On The Skylight – Brilliant

Except it wasn’t brilliant because a couple of hours later, I could hardly move. My ribs were squashing painfully onto my pelvis, and I was leaning even further to the right than usual. I’m glad you weren’t a fly on the wall to witness the state I got myself into. I had to go to bed and stayed there for much of the rest of the week.

An advert for Red Bull came on television at one point through the week – “Red Bull gives you wings,” it said. Not for me, thanks – I’d dealt with more than enough wings to last a lifetime.

The pain was intense and completely controlling. And, even now, a few weeks later, the pain is still frustrating me.

How to Handle Life When Pain Becomes Overwhelming

Pain is an uninvited guest in every part of my life, and when it flares up more than usual, it can feel like it’s running the show. That’s when my pain really frustrates me.

I get used to managing my pain most days, but flare-ups that hit harder than usual can throw everything off balance. That’s when my pain really frustrates me.

Things to Consider When Pain is Frustrating You

When pain limits you more than normal, the frustration can quickly become overwhelming – and frustration often leads to stress, which in turn can make the pain even worse. So, what can we do to stop pain and frustration from taking over?

Here are a few strategies I’ve found helpful.

Listen to Your Body

Your body is trying to tell you something, so be kind to yourself and listen. If it’s saying, “No, don’t do that,” then stop. Yes, you might feel frustrated and angry. You might feel as though you’re letting pain win, but in reality, you’re doing the opposite. When you don’t push your limits, you actually win – because you keep your pain at its normal level rather than triggering a worse flare-up which could last for weeks.

Pace Yourself – It’s Not a Race

The faster you try to go, the more likely it is that your pain will try to stop you in your tracks. Slow down, pace yourself, and you might actually reach your goal faster.

Rest, Relax, and Breathe

As I mentioned earlier, becoming frustrated leads to stress, and that only makes pain worse. I know how difficult it is to accept that this is what life is like, but sometimes we have to sit back and say, “Okay, I have to live with you, so let’s just try not to fight with each other.”

Give yourself permission to rest. Allow yourself to sit back or lie down as often as you need to so you can truly relax. And while you’re resting, try some meditation, mindfulness, or breathing exercises.

Ask for Help

There’s no shame in asking for help. Life with pain is difficult, so reach out to someone — whether that’s for putting on your socks, getting groceries, hoovering flies from a skylight window or cooking a meal. Letting someone help you isn’t a weakness; it’s sensible.

Look for Easy Ways to Do Things

There are usually easier ways to do most tasks. For example, if you struggle with cooking, buy ready meals or pre-chopped vegetables. There are also plenty of gadgets on the market that can make everyday life a little easier.

Focus on Can, Rather Than Can’t

Of course, it’s frustrating when pain stops you from doing the things you’d like to do. But, the more we focus on those things, the more frustrated we become. So instead, try focusing on what you can do. It gives you breathing space until the pain eases.

For me, I’d love to be drawing right now – but I know I can’t. If I dwell on that, I’ll get frustrated and low. I don’t want that to happen. But I do want to keep the artistic part of my brain active, so I watch videos of other people drawing, admire their artwork, and look at photos of my own art. They remind me of what I can do and that every day I rest is one day closer to being back in my art room.

Tomorrow Is Another Day

Remember that tomorrow could be better. There’s an old proverb: “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.” When you live with chronic pain, that proverb loses all meaning. Listen to your body, and put off what you need to…without guilt. Don’t push boundaries that will only make tomorrow worse.

Turn Frustration Into Humour

Frustration can easily bring tears and anger. Sometimes, we need to let those emotions out – but if we let them take over, we risk sinking deeper into sadness. That’s when it can help to try laughing things off instead. People say laughter is the best medicine – maybe it’s not the best medicine, but it’s certainly a pretty good one.

I’ve laughed while writing about my “flies in the skylight” incident – you might have guessed that from the fly puns scattered through this post. But what else could I do? Feel guilty for doing something silly that worsened my pain? Get angry? Depressed? Stressed? None of those would have helped or improved my pain. But a little bit of laughter has lifted my mood and helped me feel more like myself again.

Finally – Don’t Do As I Do

Okay, laughter aside, there are times when the best thing we can do is learn from our mistakes — and perhaps promise ourselves not to repeat them.

Don’t do the silly things you know you shouldn’t. Just don’t. And whatever you do, don’t ever try to vacuum flies off a skylight window.

Remember to Be Kind to Yourself

Living with pain is never easy, but learning to work with it rather than against it can make life just a little better. Always be kind to yourself.

And if you happen to see flies on the skylight – ignore them and watch a movie instead. (Maybe not ‘Lord of the Flies’ though.)

Thank you so much for reading.

If this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
And feel free to share it with your friends or support groups.
Take care,
Liz.

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When life gives you flies, grab the humour — not the hoover