When people live with chronic pain or illness, very often they have low self-esteem. They often see themselves as failures and get frustrated because they focus on what they cannot do. But when life is already so difficult, perhaps it would be more helpful to take the focus away from what they can’t do and instead be proud of their achievements.
Be Proud of All Achievements, Big or Small
I mentioned being proud of achievements in my post last week about finding clarity in 2020. The size of the achievement doesn’t matter. Every achievement, big or small is worthy of celebrating.
I Try to Stay Positive but Still Feel Defeated
I learned a long time ago to accept my pain and listen to my body. I rest when I need to and use distraction techniques to cope with my pain. I try to focus on positives and keep smiling despite my pain. It might sound simple, but it’s far from it. Occasionally, negative thoughts creep in and take over.
If you are struggling to accept your chronic pain or chronic illness, you might find this post from the Disabled Diva’s blog useful – Choices that Reflect Acceptance of a Chronic Illness.
There are so many things I can’t do because of my pain and I often feel defeated at the end of the day because I’ve been unable to achieve much. But if I keep focusing on what I can’t do, I will become depressed.
Living with Chronic Pain is a Pain!
The last few weeks have been bad pain-wise. After breaking a rib, everything seemed to go downhill. I was still having to take extra pain medication for my rib when I turned over in bed one morning and a rib on the other side felt as though it also popped. So I had agonising pain throughout my whole rib cage. My back and neck became worse than normal and I was struggling to walk due to the osteoarthritis in my feet. Then I was given the gift of a headache for Christmas which lasted for days and caused my trigeminal neuralgia to flare up more than normal.
Chronic pain is like the gift that just keeps on giving.
Pain Gets in the Way of Everything
Life goes on despite my pain, but there have been times over the last few weeks when I’ve had to give in and say, “I can’t do this because of my pain.”
My brother-in-law passed away in November after an illness, but I couldn’t attend his funeral as it was 400 miles away. I just couldn’t make that journey.
My aunt passed away suddenly in December and I couldn’t visit my Uncle or do anything to help him. The journey was only forty miles this time, but I couldn’t manage that.
And then along came Christmas! My Dad and other members of my family also live forty miles away, but I still wasn’t up to travelling.
I felt so defeated and extremely guilty because I couldn’t see my family, especially over Christmas. Those negative feelings were sending me into a downward spiral. I had a couple of private meltdowns because all I was focusing on was not being able to do things I felt I should have been doing.
Focusing on Achievements Helped
I had to take a few deep breaths and refocus. Instead of thinking about what I hadn’t been able to do, I thought about the things I had been able to do.
I had rested. I had listened to my body and gave it what it needed.
That in itself was an achievement I could be proud of.
I had no reason to feel guilty because my pain was the problem – not me. I hadn’t been able to visit, but I had phoned my family regularly, therefore they knew I was thinking about them. They all understood why I couldn’t be there but I had been putting the burden of guilt onto myself. It was weighing me down.
I reread a blog post I wrote about guilt then gave myself a talking to.
I ditched the guilt.
That was another achievement.
When I took a step back, I found other achievements too. I had showered and got dressed some days. I managed to write a few Christmas cards for relatives. I wrote blog posts when I was able and tried to read and share other chronic illness blogs. I chatted to people in support groups and tried to support people in the #JoinIn campaign on Twitter over Christmas.
I could be proud of all of those achievements.
They might seem insignificant to healthy people, but when someone is living with a health condition they’re big achievements.
Keep an Achievement Diary to Celebrate the Victories
When you read my blog, you’ll often see me mention the usefulness of keeping diaries. Keeping pain or symptom diaries are useful for tracking your illness and finding pain triggers. A food diary is an excellent way to find food allergies or intolerances. They can help doctors to help us and can be useful when applying for benefits.
But I’m going to be 100% honest – although a pain diary is sometimes necessary, I detest when I need to keep one. It can become so depressing focusing on all the negative parts of life. But, as I said, sometimes they are necessary.
An achievement diary will have the opposite effect. Rather than being depressing, it should be morale-boosting because it will focus on the positives. It focuses on what people have been able to do, rather than what their pain has stopped them from doing. Focusing on all accomplishments no matter the size could raise people’s self-esteem.
How to Make an Achievement Diary Improve Your Life
At the end of every day, note down any achievements in a diary to help focus your mind on the positives in your life.
Every day is often different when you live with pain or illness. On a better day, you might find you’re able to do more. You might manage to make a meal or go for a walk. You might manage to shop or take part in an activity or favourite hobby. Those are fantastic achievements you should be proud of.
But equally, you should be proud of all the smaller achievements.
Celebrate the Small Achievements
Ordinary everyday tasks can be achievements when you have constant pain or a chronic illness. Therefore, note down all the “managed to shower”, “cleaned my teeth”, “ate a meal”, “laughed with a friend”, “read a page of my book” or “watched my favourite tv show” accomplishments. Those are victories too.
Sometimes you might start doing something but halfway through, pain or fatigue get the better of you and you need to stop. Note that down as an achievement in your diary. You tried, therefore it’s an achievement. You might be able to complete the task another time. That will be another achievement.
And when you’ve had a day of doing nothing except lying in bed because your pain is so bad or you feel too unwell, that is also an achievement worth noting in your diary. It means you have listened to what your body needs. Therefore, be proud of yourself.
Be Proud of all Achievements – Be Proud of Yourself
Be proud of the big things, the small things and the everyday things. Also, be proud of the only half-done things. Be proud of trying because that’s what matters.
Be proud of all your achievements.
Be proud of yourself.
I hope you found this post helpful. What achievements, big or small, have you had lately? Please let me know in the comments so I can celebrate with you.
Please share my post and remember you can follow me on Facebook and Twitter.
Oh Liz, I’m so sorry about your aunt. To not be able to travel must have been bloody awful. It’s bad enough that your pain has been so particularly bad lately but of course in comes the guilt and everything else that comes with it. You’re right, there are so many achievements if you look closely and expand your concept of what ‘achievement’ means. Nothing, no matter how small, should be overlooked or underappreciated when living with chronic illness and pain. You should be proud. You keep going, day in and day out, and that takes a hell of a lot. The fact you continue to support others shows what a beautiful soul you are.
I’m always around if ever you want to chat, but no pressure, just making sure you know. Sending lots of love & gentle hugs your way. xxxxxx
Thank you so much, Caz. I appreciate that.
Liz, I’m so sorry for your losses this past year. I know that had to be extremely difficult. It’s easy to start to feel defeated and guilty when our pain keeps us from doing things. I’m glad you realize you have no control over your pain and therefore, need to release yourself from any guilt. I agree with you that it’s important to celebrate the small accomplishments as well as the big ones. Taking note of these small victories helps us develop a sense of accomplishment and give us hope. Blessings to you dear friend!
Thank you, Terri.
Since my chronic pain started, I’ve found that even the smallest of achievements feel like big wins. My anxiety often takes over and holds me back but learning to push myself has been a huge challenge and once that I’m proud of. I’m still not where I want to be but it really is true that you need to be proud of everything 🙂
I am so sorry to hear about your losses and it is ok to have a full on melt down every now and again, must admit I did the same both just before and just after Christmas with both illness and losses, I missed Mum’s best friends funeral because I didn’t want to make it about me and the struggle it would take to get me there, I did go to the pub and share a drink to her afterwards though.
Even though the guilt I felt for not going was horrendous x
Thank you, Rachael. I’m sorry that you have also been going through a rough time.
Yes, you do need to be proud of everything. Focus on the little things because they do add up.
So sorry for your loss! Hugs!! Hang in there, broken ribs take forever to heal. Mine took 12 weeks and the pain actually got worse near the end before it got better. And that was with bed rest! I know it feels like forever, but it will eventually heal. In the meantime, I love that you are keeping an accomplishment journal!! It’s a great practice and reminder of our abilities.
Thank you, Cynthia. I know how much you’ve struggled with your ribs too.
Sorry to hear about the rough year you had and your loss. I find it doesn’t really help to focus on the negatives as those negatives most likely wont change but instead to focus on the positives. The accomplishment journal seems like a great way to be able to go back and reflect on all that you have gotten done despite pain!
I can relate to your feelings especially after not such a good last year. But frankly I am yet to come across anyone as strong as you. I have a friend in London who has been battling cancer for the last 14 years and is tough mentally but he sometimes breaks down and I forward your posts to him to help him be positive. Writing down achievements is a very nice habit to develop I too feel to help us stay positive.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate you saying that. I hope your friend is managing ok at the moment.
Thank you, Scott. Yes, we have to find positives to focus on.
Thanks for opening up about your pain and sharing ways to help others cope! Celebrating the little things in life is so important for mental health.
Thank you.
I am so sorry to read what an awful year you have had and the heartbreak of not being able to attend funerals and see family on important occasions. I really admire your outlook in being determined to focus on the achievements and therefore stay away as much as possible from negativity that ultimately leads to depression. An achievement diary is a great idea to have as evidence of all the achievements you can feel good about.
You are such an inspiration. I think that these wise words of finding happiness and pride in everyday or small things can be appreciated by everyone. I know that there are days when I feel so down on myself for no reason in particular. I’d be smart to remind myself of what you are saying, to be proud of all achievements!
I’m so sorry to hear of your difficulties over the holiday season. I hope that the new year brings you all that you hope for; big and small!
Thank you, Lindsay. I don’t think I’m an inspiration…just trying to get through stuff as well as I can.
Thank you
Love your resilience, Liz. Sounds like you had a rough year, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to live with chronic pain, temporary pain is already something challenging to deal with. I pray you get comfort and strength through this.
Thank you, Aryanne.
I am sorry for your loss, and I agree that small and big victories should be celebrated because it all means something. My step-father is ill and he struggles with a lot, being able to still do hobbies and having family support him while helping celebrate along the way is a big help for him.
Thank you, Luna. I hope your step-father’s health improves.
I really love how you reframe your thinking. Being proud of what you to keep yourself as healthy as possible, so you’re able to be part of life as much as possible, is so important. Sometimes, that will mean missing something huge and important — I have been there, too. It hurts, but you can’t let it take you down.
Thank you, Lene
Sometimes life could be a roller coaster and we ask so many questions at the same time. But taking everyday as a gift and appreciating it despite all is a big blessing.
Counting your blessings is also a good thing to be grateful for.
I really feel for anyone suffering from chronic pain and I think you’re such an inspiration to so many people. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had a difficult time and I hope things look up for you this year.
So sorry for your losses and the tough luck. Hope things are on the way to being better! It’s a great idea to stay positive and count your achievements, for everyone.
This is a sad but strong post at the same time. You seem to be moving forward in a positive way. Good luck xx
Losing a loved one is always so difficult – then add to that the inability to be there for other family members and to say your final goodbyes, makes it that much harder. Living with chronic pain is definitely hard. My cousin suffers from chronic pain and I’ve seen her go through the ups and downs, but like you said, you have to look at the achievements (big or small). You should be so proud of all your accomplishments, facing each day not knowing if it will be a good one or a bad one takes a certain strength, you are resilient and inspiring!
I feel like you wrote this to me today, Liz! I’ve been dealing with a sprained or strained wrist lately and it has really affected me. I had a meltdown because I can’t even squeeze a ketchup bottle right now. It can be easy to just see the negatives. In my case, I have meltdowns from basic things, I am slower than a turtle with typing so I feel behind in everything. Going to the gym is out of the question unless I want to do leg day everyday. Which I like walking, so no. I’m not sleeping because of the brace. The list literally goes on forever, it seems. Sometimes I have to literally talk to myself and just say, stop. We’re not going there. I hadn’t thought about a journal before, but it is an excellent suggestion because reminding ourselves of the wins is far more productive than letting the negatives get the better of us.
Oh Erica, I am sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s horrible feeling like you’re giving in to it, but sometimes we have to and just let the body heal. Give yourself a break.
i’m so sorry for your loss and the fact that pain becomes an obstacle for you to be present with your loved ones. But i’m really happy you are being positive and seeing that every achievement you have is important. Keep it going! You’r strong!
I am so sorry about that. It definitely feels horrible not only the loss but the pain of not being able to there. You are strong and in case you need to be the opposite your reader is always there for you