Coping Better on Painful Days by Enjoying Good Memories

When we’re struggling with pain, whether it’s physical or emotional, it can often feel like there’s nothing to look forward to. Days can feel dark and gloomy as though the light has gone out of our lives. Sometimes, thinking about happy times in the past can shine that light back into our lives. Good memories can help us through the toughest, most painful days.

Memories Stir Up Emotions

I could spend hours looking through old photograph albums. Time seems to disappear as I lose myself in those photos and I often find myself being distracted from my pain.

Poring over old photos is a great distraction but it’s not just a distraction. Every photo comes with a memory. And with every memory, there’s a feeling.

Memories can remind us of how we felt at different times in our lives. We might remember how happy we felt or we might remember feelings of excitement, relief, contentment or joy at a particular time.

They might also bring sadness when we remember someone we no longer have in our lives, but hopefully, they can help us to smile when we remember the good times we shared.

When we’re grieving, good memories can often help to fill that gap inside our hearts. Memories can remind us how much the person meant to us and remind us of how much we were loved by them.

Good Memories Bring Comfort

My Dad, a quiet, gentle, caring man passed away in August. He was such a tremendous loss to my family.

After my Mum died in 2009, my Dad had a gaping hole in his life, but somehow he helped me and my two sisters get through our grief. Now, with both our parents gone, there’s a huge gaping hole in our lives. Nothing can fill that hole but thinking about the many good memories we have does help us to get through the painful days right now.

After my Dad’s funeral last month, I spent some time staying in Mum and Dad’s house along with some of my family. During what was such a sad time, we found comfort in talking about our memories of Mum and Dad.

Long-forgotten memories were stirred up by ornaments and pictures in the house. Some might have been holiday souvenirs. Others might have been gifts. Some had belonged to our grandparents. Everything had a story to tell.

And Mum and Dad’s photos…thousands of photos…took us back in time. They took us to places we visited in our childhood and reminded us of family, friends and pets. We recalled trips to the beach and countryside. It felt good to reminisce.

Mum’s Holiday Diary

We came across a notebook which my Mum had used one year as a holiday diary where she’d written about their trip. We learned what she and Dad had eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, we got to know friends they’d made and we travelled along with them to the places they had visited. We even learned how much a jug of sangria had cost them.

It was so nice to read that diary because it felt as though my Mum was in the room with us telling us about their holiday. I felt as though I could hear her voice again and it was so comforting.

Good Memories Are Etched Into My Heart

Spending time in the house, seeing everything really helped bring back good memories but I know that I don’t need to see ‘things’ to be reminded of my Mum and Dad. Photos and other possessions serve as reminders but the actual memories live inside me because they are etched into my heart.

My sisters and I were lucky because we couldn’t have had better parents. We were Mum and Dad’s world. Everything they did, they did for the three of us.

We cherish all our memories.

If I Tried to Count Memories, I’d Run Out of Numbers

I wrote this poem for my Dad two years ago for his 85th birthday. It’s about my childhood memories.

If I tried to count memories, I’d run out of numbers
It would be like counting grains of sand on a beach
Or like counting blades of grass in a field
I’ve so many memories, too many to count

Memories of summers so hot that the sun melted tar
And the excitement  of getting our first family car
I still remember the day you brought it home
A brown Singer Vogue, with shiny silver chrome

The car meant summers going ‘days here and there’
Paddling at Leadhills or building sandcastles in Ayr 
You planned every trip so well the night before
With your AA map spread across the living room floor

In the morning, as soon as she was out of bed
Mum made a huge picnic to keep us all fed
When we set off, you’d hand Mum the map
But ten minutes later, she was having a nap

We always came home with souvenirs from the trip
And probably enough sand to sink a ship
Once we brought home a souvenir from Portobello
A wee black-haired mongrel, a sad-looking fellow

After Sam, came another four-legged friend
But this one wasn’t a 57 variety blend
He came with a pedigree and a fancy name to match
'Rose More Blue For You' - but we just called him Patch

The dogs, the car, the beach, the picnics too
Memories of my childhood, memories of Mum and you
Memories which will always bring me pleasure
Memories so special, memories to treasure

Make New Memories

My Mum and Dad would both have been happy to see us reminiscing but would also want us make new memories to treasure.

That’s something everyone should do. We should try to enjoy life. We should try to take lots of photos to serve as reminders and do what my Mum did – write about special occasions and trips because one day, what we write might give comfort to someone else too.

A World Without Pain and Sadness

When you are grieving, that feeling of loss can be so overwhelming and we have to try to find ways of coping to get through the most difficult days. Thinking of good times can help because those memories can bring comfort in dark times. They can take you to another time and another place. And, even if only briefly, they can take you into another world – a world without pain and sadness.