Coping With Difficult Pain Days: Hope, Emotions & Getting Through it

Coping with chronic pain isn’t pretty — especially on the difficult days. It’s not just about the physical pain, but also about coping with the difficult emotions that come along with it.

I often feel the emotional side of living with pain gets overlooked. But when pain is overwhelming, our emotions can be all over the place. Pain is frustrating, frightening, lonely, and at times, deeply depressing.

When my pain spirals and those emotions take over, it can be hard to imagine life ever becoming easier. But I hold onto the hope that tomorrow might be a better day.

I’ve Been Coping With Hard Days Recently Due to Chronic Back Pain

I have a few conditions that cause chronic pain – trigeminal neuralgia, scoliosis-related back pain, arthritis, and Raynaud’s. Sometimes they compete with each other, as though they’re having a game to see which can shout the loudest. Lately, my back has been winning that competition.

I’ve been coping with some very difficult days recently because of this. Actually, I’ve been struggling for several months, and it’s been exhausting and very limiting. Simple tasks like washing a few dishes, having a shower, or even making a cup of tea have been incredibly difficult at times — and some days, impossible. There have been days when it’s been a wee bit easier, but there have also been moments when it has almost broken me.

The one thing that keeps me going is hope — hope that tomorrow might be better. I’ve been saying that to myself every day for weeks, and as I write this, I’m saying it again.

Coping is Difficult When Chronic Pain Interrupts Life Every Day

Chronic pain interrupts my life at every opportunity, putting its stamp on everything that matters to me. There are mornings when I wake up thinking it’s going to be an okay kind of day. I think, Good, I’ll be able to do something today. Maybe I’ll bake. Maybe I’ll draw. Maybe I’ll take Kip out for a short walk. But half an hour later, I’m barely able to get dressed.

Managing the Pain Is a Victory in Itself

I reach the point where simply managing the pain feels like a small victory. I smile and carry on, doing what I can despite it.

I cope as best I can… because I have to. I don’t have another option. But just when I feel like I’m coping, the pain ramps up, knocking me off my feet and making even the simplest tasks feel impossible.

At first, I tell myself, “It’s just a bad day. Tomorrow might be better.” But sometimes, it feels like that better day never arrives.

I’ve Been Doing This For Over Forty Years

I’ve been coping with these difficult spells for over forty years. All I can do is try to listen to my body and do whatever it needs me to do.

Some days I manage, while on others I struggle to get out of bed without help. I try to stay positive, noticing the small things that make me smile — Kip curling beside me, snowdrops poking their heads through hard, frozen ground, or sunlight streaming through a chink in the curtains. But I won’t lie — living with chronic pain like this can be soul-destroying.

A few people have told me in the past that I’m stoic, even brave. But I don’t feel that way. I do what I do because I don’t have another choice.

I’ll be totally honest — on the outside, I might look as though I cope well, but the reality is that there are moments when I want to curl up under my duvet and cry and scream that it’s not fair.

It’s Okay to Be Honest

A few years ago, I was struggling physically and emotionally with my pain, and my GP referred me to an online CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) course. I’m not sure if it helped in a big way, but I do know that being honest with my GP definitely did. He understood and showed empathy, and that made a difference.

I would always suggest that if someone is struggling to cope with the emotional side of living with pain — whether it’s depression, anxiety, or even frustration — being honest and finding someone to talk to can really help.

People living with pain are not superhuman. Pain can be truly debilitating, and it’s natural to cry out, “It’s not fair.” It really isn’t fair. And it’s perfectly okay to say that.

Sometimes coping doesn’t mean making the emotions go away — it just means allowing them, giving them space, and getting through them as gently as you can.

I Get Scared

It’s frustrating living like this. My body simply can’t do the things I’d like it to do. And under that calm exterior, I sometimes feel angry about it.

But I also get scared and worried. When I go through an especially long, difficult spell like this, I start to wonder if my pain will ever improve. Is it ever going to get any easier, or is coping with pain like this going to be my new normal?

What Helps Me Cope Emotionally on Those Difficult Pain Days

Living with pain can become emotionally overwhelming, and coping with those difficult days is especially hard. But I have to find a way to get through them.

I don’t cry about my pain often, but occasionally it gets the better of me. It’s not the pain itself that makes me cry — it’s when all those emotions build up and come crashing together like a tsunami. I’ve learned that it’s okay to let the tears flow, because crying can be a release. But for me, once those tears are out, I need to take a few deep breaths and find a way to carry on.

I try to be gentle with myself, avoid guilt-tripping myself, and not focus on what I can’t do. And I say this to myself: “Liz, you’ve been through this before — you’ll get through it again. Tomorrow might be a better day.”

Sometimes tomorrow is a better day. Sometimes it’s not. And if it’s not, I say it again. I’ll say it every day if I have to.

Writing

Sometimes it’s important to get those emotions out. Talking to family or friends can help, but often I turn to writing.

I might write a letter to my pain to release some of the anger. Or I might write about my fears and remind myself to take things one day at a time. I’ve even written to myself, reminding myself that I deserve kindness and not burden myself with guilt — this isn’t my fault.

Enjoying the Victories On the Bad Days as Well as the Good Days

Despite the pain — whether it’s a “normal” pain day or a really difficult one — I believe it’s important to celebrate my victories. Victories look different for everyone, but when you’re coping with debilitating pain, even the smallest ones are worth giving yourself a high-five.

Today, with Ian’s help, I managed to make a cheese sauce to go with cauliflower for dinner — and it was delicious!

But victories aren’t always about doing something tangible. Sometimes, simply getting through a tough morning, making it through the day, or coping with a particularly painful spell is a victory in itself. Those moments matter just as much as the small achievements we can see and taste.

Clinging to Hope

I focus on the small, good parts of life — the little moments that make me smile: Kip, chatting with friends, laughing at Ian’s silly jokes that I’ve probably heard a million times before. And if I can’t find that smile, I rest without guilt, hoping that tomorrow might bring a spark of hope.

Life With Chronic Pain is Exhausting

Coping with chronic pain, especially those really difficult pain days, is exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes tear-inducing. But even on the hardest days, the thought that tomorrow might be better keeps me moving forward, one small step at a time.

If you’re struggling today, I hope you find a little comfort and hope too. And maybe, just maybe, tomorrow will be a better day.

Next week, I’ll share some of the practical things that help me cope on difficult pain days.

Be kind to yourself