The Alternative Body Shop For People With Pain

The Alternative Body Shop – how good would that be? A shop that solely caters for people with chronic pain so they could replace their faulty parts. A new spine perhaps. Or a new head or new knees? I think the Alternative Body Shop would be very popular.

Look After Your Body as Well as Your Car

Everybody is advised to look after their bodies. In fact, sometimes people are told, look after your body as well as you look after your car. Put in the best fuel you can afford, get it serviced regularly and take it for a good run to keep the battery working well.

Doing that works for ‘healthy’ people because it’s just basic routine maintenance which can help keep them in tip-top condition.

Routine Maintenance Doesn’t Do The Trick if You Already Have Health Problems

When you live with health problems, routine maintenance is essential, but it doesn’t quite do the trick. It certainly isn’t a miraculous cure.

Obviously getting a good varied diet is the right thing to do because good nutrition is important. We need that. Everyone does. But eating a handful of goji berries for breakfast won’t suddenly cure all our ills and give us a new lease of life.

We could eat the perfect diet, take our medication and see doctors for regular health checks but our problems aren’t solved. We’re still not in tip-top condition.

Replace or Repair?

When a car gets a bump or a scrape, it goes to a body shop for a repair or a touch-up. If there’s a mechanical fault, the faulty part is replaced or repaired. Cars routinely need new tyres, brake fittings and exhausts.

If you live with pain or a chronic illness, it’s not quite as simple because our bodies are often beyond repair. They break down regularly and very often they do so for no reason whatsoever.

We’re actually quite high maintenance. We spend money, time and effort trying everything imaginable to fix things. But the truth is that we’re often unfixable.

If only we could get easy fixes. If only it were as simple as treating your body like your car. If only we could just walk into a body parts shop to replace those problematic bits and pieces? 

The Alternative Body Shop in Your Local High Street

Imagine if your local High Street had an Alternative Body Shop sandwiched between the butchers and the greengrocers.

Imagine nipping in with a list of your painful parts and coming out sporting brand new pain-free versions.

My Shopping List for the Alternative Body Shop

I think I’d have a very long shopping list on my visit to the Alternative Body Shop because I have a lot of parts which I would like to have replaced.

I’d Buy a New Face From the Alternative Body Shop

At the top of the list would be a new face. I don’t really mind what it looks like, anything will do. All I ask for is a face without pain. A face without trigeminal neuralgia. A face that will allow me to go outside in cold weather without squirming. One that allows me to eat whatever I choose and allows me to wash it properly without feeling as though I am torturing myself.

A Straight Spine, Please

I want a new spine. Not a curvy, twisted one like the one I have. Not one that sticks out at awkward angles and causes chronic back pain. I want one without scoliosis. I just want a normal, straight spine. Is that too much to ask for? None in stock? I can wait. I’ve put up with the one I have for a very long time, so another few days is fine.

Matching Legs

Ok, maybe that new spine will cure this problem, but just in case it doesn’t, I’d like to purchase a pair of matching legs. You know, the kind that most people have – a pair of equal length. Because of my scoliosis, I look as though one leg is shorter than the other.

So, yes, a pair of legs is definitely on my shopping list. Perhaps they’ll do a buy one get one free offer.

A New Pair of Feet

The new legs might come with feet but if they don’t, I definitely need a new pair – ones without arthritis. In the mornings, I dread putting my feet out of the bed because they are so painful.

Magic Hands?

This is a long shot, but I wonder if they would sell me a pair of magic hands because, well, they’d be handy.

Perhaps they could work on their own with no effort on my part. They could type, wash the dishes and I’m sure they could pick up a duster now and again.

Also for Sale at the Alternative Body Shop…

I don’t think the Alternative Body shop should just stock body parts. I reckon they could stock fillers and wraps too because I know a few people who need them.

I’m not talking about lip fillers. I’m talking about fillers that will fill the holes in bones to cure my osteoporosis.

And the Alternative Body Shop should really have a corner full of bubble wrap because I’m a wee bit prone to getting bumps and bruises.

The Alternative Body Shop Would Need to Be Affordable

It really shouldn’t have to cost us an arm and a leg to get spares and repairs because surely we deserve quality parts at reasonable prices?

A Wee Freebie

With every purchase, I think the Alternative Body Shop should throw in a wee freebie because who doesn’t like a freebie?

But what could it be?

A. A weekend at a spa
B. A month’s supply of chocolate
C. Eight hours of quality, restful sleep

Which sounds most appealing to you? Option C sounds good to me right now, but hey, I’ll happily take all three.

What Parts Would You Purchase From The Alternative Body Shop?

I imagine a lot of people would want to visit this shop therefore there would be a long queue waiting for it to open. Would you be in the queue? What would be on your shopping list?