I watched a television show recently which asked the question, “How do you see yourself?” The answers (sadly) were mostly related to looks. Why do people care about looks so much? Anyway, I put the question to myself and came up with “in pain”, “disabled”, “fed up” and “exhausted”. My answers sounded pretty negative. But I’d been having a difficult spell and will admit to feeling a wee bit sorry for myself.
How I See Myself (When I am Having a Better Day)
The question came into my mind again a few days later when I was feeling a bit better. Those first answers weren’t really how I normally see myself but they had been justified at the time.
Anyway, I had a rethink and came up with a few more words.
Calm (Normally)
Considerate (I try to be)
Empathetic (Hopefully)
Patient (Always have been)
Positive (Most of the time)
Resilient (Definitely)
Quite a change from just a few days before. But more accurate because I know there is more to me than just my pain.
How Do You See Yourself?
I asked the question, “How do you see yourself?” on my Twitter and Facebook pages.
Click on the links below to see the answers and join the conversation.
Question for a blog post. (I’ll share the link and some answers on the post)
— Despite Pain (@DespitePainBlog) February 3, 2020
How do you see yourself?
One word answer, please.
(But you can answer more than once)
I also asked the question in a couple of trigeminal neuralgia support groups. Since they’re private groups, I can’t share people’s names, but I’ll share some of the answers.
The answers were very varied with many people seeing themselves as hopeful, indestructible, persistent, positive and warriors.
Some answers were similar to those answers I gave when I first asked myself the question. And sadly, a few people wrote that they see themselves as broken, despondent, empty and weak. It’s hard to see yourself in a positive light when you’re in pain or feeling ill, but sometimes focusing on positivity can help us to cope with the pain or illness.
Please take a look at this post: How to be Positive, Despite Pain
Some People Feel Worthless
Seeing one word really upset me. A few people wrote that they saw themselves as worthless. I find it so sad that people feel that way about themselves.
If you wrote that you feel worthless – you are not.
Despite your illness, disability or pain, you are worthy.
My Favourite Word – Resilient
For me, out of my own list of words, I think resilient is one that stands out.
As the song goes, “I get knocked down, but I get up again.”
But I’m no more resilient than anyone else on this planet. I don’t have any magical powers.
Life can get difficult for anyone. There may be life-changing events like a job loss, an unexpected medical diagnosis or a family bereavement. It might feel as though they are struggling to keep their heads above water, but somehow, people get through those tough times.
It’s human nature to be resilient when faced with adversities.
Caz, a friend who blogs at Invisibly Me, wrote this post a couple of weeks ago about resilience. As Caz said, “during the times that almost break us, we learn, we grow and we get stronger and more resilient even without realising it.”
She’s right. People learn so much during those difficult times. Those are the times when people find their strengths and realise just how resilient they are.
Resilience When Living With Pain or a Chronic Illness
When living with pain or a chronic illness, so many aspects of life are affected. It’s not easy to feel resilient. But we are. I am. You are. Every one of us is resilient.
It can often feel like an uphill struggle because we face adversities on a daily basis. There are obstacles thrown on our path every day and we often have hurdles to climb over.
Some days, we simply can’t manoeuvre around those obstacles and the hurdles are much too high to climb over.
We put our energy into trying, but sometimes we have to give in and take a break. And if we can’t find the energy or have the physical capabilities today, we rest more and try again tomorrow.
That’s resilience.
Snowdrops
When I get up in the morning, one of the first things I see when I open my eyes is a poem called ‘Snowdrops’ which my cousin cross-stitched as a surprise gift for my fiftieth birthday. The poem is one I wrote several years ago.
I’d written it after catching sight of the first snowdrops of the year in my garden. Snowdrops bring me hope because whenever they start to sprout out of the ground, they tell me that the cold dark days of winter will soon come to an end. They’re a sign to say that life will get brighter again.
But that year, as I looked at those tiny white flowers, I realised something else. They have stamina and strength. They struggle to push through the hard, frozen ground, but they weren’t going to be stopped. They pushed and pushed until they saw daylight.
They were resilient.
Snowdrops Always remember that if a small, delicate flower can find the strength to push its way through hard, frozen ground year after year, then the possibilities for humans are endless. We have so much more strength and potential than we realise. We just need to learn how to use it in the correct way.
I had been going through a rough patch when I wrote the poem. Some days, it felt as though I was having to push through hard, frozen ground too.
When I thought about it, despite my own struggles and difficulties, I realised that I had pushed through life in the same way. That’s when I realised that I was just as resilient as those snowdrops.
And so are you.
Every day, you push through solid, hard ground. Some days the ground is even harder and icier than other days, but still, you try to push through it. Some days you can’t manage and you need to rest but you try again the next day. Or the next. And you keep trying until you do manage.
That’s resilience.
Resilient People Still Need a Release Valve
Being resilient isn’t a synonym for “I’m a superhero and smile my way through all adversities” Sometimes resilience is just getting through the days, one day at a time or even one hour at a time.
You might have to cry, scream or write to release the sadness, tension, frustration and anger. After all, everyone needs a release valve at times. Afterwards, you might be able to take a deep breath and try again. Just a minute at a time.
How Do You See Yourself?
How do you see yourself? What word would you use to describe yourself? Do you see yourself as resilient?
Please leave a comment below to let me know.
Thank you so much for your post. Its encouraging but more than that, it was no right for me today. I have a chronic pain condition but have pushed through and have a successful part time business. A glass half full girl! This week I had sudden onset loss of part vision. It threw me to the wall. I drive, I live alone, I enjoy each day as precious and live to the full.
Seen specialist etc and 5 days later the shock has gone and I have to include it now as part of my life… Accept, push through and grow strong and resilient.
Your posting was just what I needed to hear and the snowdrops descriptive spot on.
Thank you again. Its good to know I’m not alone in what life is throwing at me. That alone gives strength to go forward. ?
Oh Linda, I am so sorry about your vision. You certainly sound resilient. I’m glad my post meant something for you and you’re right, you’re definitely not alone.
Yes resilient, also adaptable – which goes hand in hand, I guess. Life throws so much at us we have to keep changing how we see it, how we function within it. Sometimes narrow minded because symptoms block all other perspectives but luckily that doesn’t happen too often 🙂
Yes, adaptable does go hand in hand, doesn’t it?
I really like how you said that resilence isn’t defined as being a smiling superhero and there is no magic. Resilence is just the take the next step or even the next breath. And each time we do, being resilent becomes more natural. My symbol is the lotus, that comes up again each day out the the muck. Thank you for your words.
Pragmatic! No matter how mad it gets I always still have to rationalise it xx
“We put our energy into trying, but sometimes we have to give in and take a break” – So true and it’s important to know that it’s okay to do that, there’s nothing weak or negative about it. Quite the opposite, it shows care for yourself. You’re not giving up, and your not forcing yourself past breaking point time and time again. That down time is needed because you’ll get back up again, when the time is right and you’re more able to.
I think the way I see myself varies. Like those better times when I’d agree I’m resilient, versus the really dark days when I think I’m just a failure with nothing to show for my life and weaker than a feather in a strong breeze.
That’s a a beautiful poem. And you’re right, you / I / we are often far stronger and more resilient than we realise. Sometimes it helps to think back to the last dark time or challenging period we’ve faced (because let’s face it, we’ve probably had countless times like this), and remember how bad it felt, but how we survived it. Just like we’ll survive what we’re going through now and the next challenge and dark time in future.
Thank you also for mentioning me and my earlier post, that’s really kind of you. You’ve done a wonderful job with this post, Liz. I hope you can read this yourself when you’re ever doubting your own resilience on those tough days. ♥
Caz xx
Thank you so much for this heartfelt piece. I hear you. It is no easy journey but sometimes a step at a time ( and not every day 1) is what it takes, Resilience …I like it !
I love the snow drops analogy!
I always let go of bad emotions, I have to lose heart, but every time I get up and become morally stronger.
Recently I see myself as tired as I have been going through exhausting times with work and personal stuff at home. I’m in sales so it takes quite a bit of resiliency to get through the days and months. I think anyone with a chronic condition should consider themselves resilient. You’ve adapted and that is a part of life people that people who don’t suffer chronic pain struggle with. We all need to be a bit more resilient these days. I think you are one strong individual!
I’ve got the song stuck in my head now! And it’s a great earworm to live by! The snowdrops are a lovely metaphor for resilience – and persistence.
It is very important to think about yourself in positive way. I think positivity attracts positivity.
when I think of myself I try to avoid me looks, same goes for people around me. but i think we rely on visuals so much we can’t really concentrate on what is inside.
Resilient is a word that I would definitely apply to myself. While I don’t live with chronic pain or illness, I have been living with depression for years and it definitely takes a degree of resilience to get through the darker days – just to get yourself out of bed and face the day, whatever that may entail. Being able to identify positive traits in yourself is SO important!
Resilience is such a meaningful word. As you mention it has a different take in different people. By God’s grace I have always been a very optimistic person. Probably because of this desire to not get perturbed by setbacks, when I look back today I feel whatever little success that I have achieved till date being resilient has been one of the major reasons.
I love how often your posts are literally the most perfect thing for me to read at the time. Today is certainly no different. Two words come to mind for me, and they are determined and strong. I’ve walked through hell and couldn’t be broken. Some days it seems like I am still stuck in that hell, but I think about those words and I am determined to stand strong. I was talking with a friend about my goals yesterday, who is my biggest fan in everything I do. I said, I will achieve my goals. I am determined to do it. Which is something I find myself saying often, how determined I am to do something, and why that was the first word that popped into my head when reading this. Side note, that song is now stuck in my head! I started singing it as I was reading. Lol. Not my favorite song out there, but certainly one I should be thinking about more often.
I loved reading this and it’s quite inspiring as well. Resilience is a great trait to have or practice.