When we live with chronic illness, the relationship we have with our primary care doctor becomes one of the most important ones in our lives. We rely on them to guide us, support us, and help us make sense of what our bodies are doing. But what happens when we feel they’re not helping? How do we encourage doctors to listen and understand us better?
All too often, our voices are not heard. And far too many of us know the feeling of not being believed.
We’re already carrying enough without that added weight.
How to encourage Doctors to Listen and Understand Better
Appointments are usually only a few minutes long, so it’s incredibly hard for any doctor to grasp the full picture unless we make that time count. A little preparation beforehand can make a surprisingly big difference.
By going in organised, clear, and confident in what we need to say, we increase the chance that our doctor will truly listen and understand what we mean. Ultimately, it’s about working together — doing our part to help them help us.
How to Help Doctors Listen and Understand
This post offers suggestions for planning your appointments. Hopefully, they’ll make it easier for your doctor to listen and truly understand what’s going on.
Seeing the doctor
When you see a GP (family doctor), try to book with the same one whenever possible, unless it’s an emergency. They’ll get to know you, which means less time spent reading notes and explaining your situation — leaving more time to discuss why you’re there.
Consider taking a close friend or relative if that makes you more comfortable, especially someone who knows your illness and how it affects you. They can help explain things, remind you of points you might forget, and even help you remember what the doctor said.
Ask your doctor if you can record the conversation during the appointment. This allows you to review it later and take in everything that was discussed, without the pressure of trying to remember it all at once. But always ask first, as there may be laws or clinic policies about recording.
Make sure your doctor knows:
- Any conditions or illnesses you have
- Inheritable conditions in your family
- Previous surgeries or serious illnesses
- Allergies, especially to medications
- Previous tests and their results
Questions and lists
Write down any questions you have about your condition or treatment plan. List topics in order of importance — the doctor might not have time to cover everything, so make sure the most important points come first. Show your list to your doctor, because what you put as number five (for example, indigestion) might actually deserve first place.
Don’t be upset if your doctor can’t address everything in one appointment. Many GPs only have ten minutes per patient — sometimes even less.
Honesty
- Be completely honest with your doctor about your lifestyle, including diet, exercise, alcohol, smoking, and any recreational drugs.
- Tell them about any over-the-counter medications, vitamins, mineral supplements, or herbal remedies you take.
- Never feel too embarrassed to discuss anything — doctors have heard it all before.
- Be open about your emotional health. Saying you’re “fine” when you’re struggling with stress, anxiety, or depression doesn’t help.
- Share all aspects of your health, even if you think something is minor. It could be the piece of the puzzle that ties everything else together.
Your doctor wants to help you — but they can only do that if they have all the information.
How to Explain Your Condition or Pain
It’s important to be able to explain to your doctor exactly what you’re experiencing. That may sound simple, but a little preparation goes a long way. Let your doctor know:
- When it started, if it’s a new issue
- Whether you’ve had this problem before
- If it comes and goes or is constant
- What brings it on
- Which medications help
- What makes it worse
- What makes it better
- The type of pain — sharp, dull, aching, burning, etc.
Be a Fly on Your Wall
Sometimes symptoms become so normal to us that we forget they’re important. Try to observe your daily life as if you’re looking from the outside in.
- Do you struggle to get out of bed in the morning or to shower and get dressed?
- Do you live with constant fatigue?
- Do you rely on someone to cook a simple meal for you?
- Do you avoid leaving the house?
Be a fly on your own wall, then explain what you see to your doctor.
Remember — a doctor only knows what we tell them.
Keep a Pain Diary
It’s often a good idea to keep a pain diary or use a symptom-tracking app. There are many apps available, but my personal preference is the Bearable App, as it covers everything. It’s simple to use, and you can quickly track all your symptoms in just a few minutes.
Tracking your pain gives your doctor a fuller picture of what’s happening. It helps them see how well medications are working (or not), and can also help identify triggers. Sometimes triggers don’t appear immediately, so keeping a record can make them easier to spot.
Diagram
A diagram showing the exact location of your pain can be incredibly helpful for your doctor. It can be as simple or as detailed as you like. Search online for “dermatome template” to find a template.
Take Notes While You’re With the Doctor
Never be afraid to write things down. If your doctor diagnoses you with something unfamiliar, you might forget it before you even reach the car park. Write it down — or ask the doctor to do so. If they suggest a treatment plan or explain how to titrate medications, having it in writing can save a lot of worry and confusion later.
If you don’t understand something, ask the doctor to repeat it and explain it more clearly.
Don’t leave the office unsure about anything you were told.
Follow Up After Your Appointment
Taking notes during your appointment is just the start. If you’re able to, consider following up with your doctor afterwards — by email, message, or phone call — to clarify anything you didn’t fully understand or to check on next steps. If follow-up contact isn’t possible, ask during the appointment about what the plan should be, or make a note of the next steps before you leave. Keeping track ensures nothing important slips through the cracks.
Remember – the Doctor Doesn’t Always Know the Answers
Don’t panic if your doctor can’t give you an immediate answer. It doesn’t mean they’re a bad doctor. Many doctors listen and understand, but no one can know everything. Some conditions are difficult to diagnose or can be easily confused with others. It may take time, tests, or a referral to a specialist to figure things out.
If they can’t pinpoint the exact condition straight away, it doesn’t mean they don’t believe you.
However, your doctor should make an effort to find answers — whether that means treating symptoms, arranging tests, or referring you to someone with more expertise.
You Are Your Own Health Advocate
Often, we have to be our own health advocates — pushing for answers and seeking information, especially if we have a lesser-known condition.
If you research your condition, bring the information to your doctor and ask for their opinion. Make it clear that your sources are trustworthy — official organisations are usually the most reliable. If you’re asking about a specific medication you’ve read about, ask for their professional opinion.
Doctors are more likely to respond positively if you ask for guidance rather than implying you know more than they do.
Remember — we need our doctors as allies, not adversaries.
If You’re Not Getting the Best From Your Doctor…
- If possible, explain your concerns to your doctor so they have a chance to address the situation. If you feel you need to make a complaint, please look at the NHS site for guidance if you’re in the UK.
- Consider asking for a second opinion, either from another GP or a specialist.
- If you feel you just don’t “bond” with your doctor or believe you could receive better treatment elsewhere, it may be worth looking for another doctor.
Hopefully, it won’t come to that. Ideally, you can build a good working relationship with your doctor — one based on trust, communication, and understanding.
Do your doctors really listen to you and understand what you tell them? If not, I hope this post offers some helpful tips. Please share your thoughts in the comments — and don’t forget to click the share button. Your post could help friends or members of support groups who might benefit from these ideas.
Thank you so much for reading.
If this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
And feel free to share it with your friends or support groups.
Take care,
Liz.
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Be your own health advocate — help your doctor help you.
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Please remember that the posts on Despite Pain are written using my experience and knowledge as someone who lives with chronic pain. They are not intended as a substitute for medical advice from a health care professional.
Sound advice. I think doctors are usually pleased when their patients come well-prepared too.
Yes, I agree, I think most doctors do like patients being prepared.
These are some awesome suggestions. Our best advice for anybody going to a doctor is to learn to do as much self diagnosing as possible, so that you can answer as many questions as possible and you can advocate for yourself, since doctors are limited and human and incredibly busy. ??
Exactly, a doctor is human and incredibly busy. I think they appreciate us doing a wee bit of groundwork.
Great tips! I did a similar post a while ago about being more assertive because these appointments can be so difficult, and all the more challenging when faced with a doctor or specialist who doesn’t seem to be listening. Fab post 🙂
Caz xx
Thanks Caz. And sadly, there are quite a few doctors out there who don’t listen.
Great advice – super post!
Thank you Catriona
Great information! Make your doctor your allie! I’m sure they apreciate someone who goes all prepared. Is not just the doctor job to help. You have to help yourself first. Nice point of view
Yes, we need them as allies. And a little bit of preparation can really help.
These are all very solid tips. As someone who works in the field and has also had a family member with a chronic condition, it’s important to write things down and have someone with you. The patient often times zones out when being diagnosed and that’s when your friend or family member can make sure they’re receiving the information you need. Also, the doctors time with patients is dwindling due to health care demands. Sad but true. They do appreciate when you also are prepared. Thank you for sharing this.
I agree, having someone with you at appointments, especially when it’s a hospital specialist appointment, is really worthwhile. Two heads are better than one..|
Doctors are really hard pushed these days time-wise, so we need to do what we can to make the most of every second.
This is so true. I have had to switch doctors before because sometimes they just stop REALLY listening.
There are some out there who, no matter what we do, just will not listen, so switch really is the only answer.
Especially love the tip about bringing a list and taking notes. It’s really easy to forget the questions or symptoms you wanted to bring up. A list can help you from getting flustered too.
Definitely – so easy to forget! (I should have added an extra tip though – remember to take the list. I sometimes forget lol)
Thank you, it could had not come in at better timing, I will start to be better advocate for myself.
Thank you again.
Oh, that’s good. I’m glad it’s helped.
These are all great tips. It absolutely helps to go prepared with list of issues to discuss and tajk notes.
Thank you. It really does.
This is great. Really good reminders about being prepared and communicating as much information as you can. I’m going to share it with my family member who has an ongoing condition and associated pain. Thank you!
Thank you. I hope your family member finds it helpful.
Fabulous post especially the pain diary and template.
Thank you. Glad you liked the pain diary and templates. Hopefully will help some people.
There’s a lot of really great advice here. I’m going to have to come back to this post before I go to the doctor next.
Thank you. Hope it helps
Good advice! Taking someone else or recording the conversation can be so helpful. Plus, preparing your own notes and questions ahead of time and taking them with you works so well.
Thanks. It really does make a difference.
Thoughtful advice. We always have an impression that doctors will know everything about our sickness or problems. Till we don’t explain and clear our situation they won’t be able to help you. A perfect article.
That’s it exactly – they only know what we tell them.
Thank you for the pain PDF’s. I will definitely use them when I see my new movement disorder specialist in 2 weeks!
Hi Michele, I hope they help! Thanks for stopping by and leaving me a comment.
Your web site has exceptional web content.
I bookmarked the site
I’m SO tired of trying to do this: been trying for nearly 15 years after a very bungled & unnecessary op in the UK that left me with serious life-long injuries.
My trusted GP ignored so much info I gave him (showing brain, neck, throat & vision damage & more) & he refused 24hr heart monitor he’d promised when I explained my sudden heart effects. Went with notes from the start (had to: my memory badly affected & still is), still do, but can’t get docs to believe what I tell them & get fobbed off as though I’m lying/exaggerating (I’m not, my old GP KNEW that), and can’t MAKE them examine properly as they should nor refer when needed (& write correct info in referral), plus they prescribe tablets without offering me choices & without explaining serious unwanted effects (‘side effects’) that are particularly relevant to me.
Exhausted from being told to try again, do it better, complain… I was neglected by docs/hospital as soon as they became aware how serious my injuries were & that I KNEW they were: they went into complete defence mode.
Now so long later the list is too long because each problem hasn’t been addressed as soon as I got it & told them. EXHAUSTED from trying to explain & justify & argue = even more difficult because of my brain injury and problems with talking & understanding speech and extreme fatigue & pain.
I WISH docs would help ME help THEM! And I WISH they’d do it right FIRST TIME, or second… I’m so much more injured now because they kept failing to do it right & because guilty docs at start told lies & other docs afraid to help me get the truth – including my trusted long-term GP who had told me ‘you’re one of the most sorted people I see’ but then appeared to be ‘unable to recall’ that, same as his stoiries about other things he suddenly claimed to have forgotten (not written down) & excuses for why the prescription he’d promised (2 different stories, bith lies) never arrived at chemist.
When ill & injured it should NOT be up to us to do all this: they’re PAID to do it, it’s their job. I tried SO hard to help them help me but they all chose not to: negligences & breach of duty & neglect & torture actually. Plus they KNEW what they were doing and what it would do to me but they didn’t care = forethought & malice on top but apparently not crimes.
I prefer the CareClinic app