Does your pain stop you from doing everything you want to do? Does it sneak in and steal every ounce of enjoyment from your life?
Suppose you’re invited to a friend’s wedding or your five-year-old granddaughter’s birthday party — do you turn down the invitation?
Or perhaps you have a favourite hobby — painting or photography, for example. Do you ignore your muse?
Even if your pain is fairly low or mid-level at the time, does it still control everything because you fear it might get worse
Do You Let Pain Steal All Enjoyment From Your Life?
You really want to go to that wedding. You know your granddaughter would be disappointed if you weren’t at her party. You haven’t painted for such a long time and you are feeling inspired. You have spotted a goldfinch at the bird feeder, and you’d like to capture it with your camera. Your pain is fairly low-level at the moment, but you know those activities will worsen or trigger it. What do you do?
Do you always say no? Do you let pain steal all enjoyment from life?
Should We Say ‘No’ to Absolutely Everything?
I don’t really do a lot with my life – and I’m not complaining about that. As I explained in an earlier post, I enjoy the small things. But sometimes I want to go somewhere or do something I know will affect my pain. Should I always say, “no”?
No – to absolutely everything? I don’t think so. I still want to reach out for those little things that bring me joy.
Can’t We Just Ignore the Pain and Fear So They Don’t Steal Our Enjoyment?
If only it were that simple – but unfortunately, it’s not, is it? When our pain is really bad, it might not be practical, maybe even impossible, to attend a wedding. And if your pain is anything like mine, the levels can fluctuate from day to day – or even hour to hour – which makes planning tricky..
But fear of the pain shouldn’t stop us from enjoying the ‘better’ days.
If your pain is at a manageable level, perhaps you could accept invitations instead of an outright no. Maybe compromise – attend the wedding for an hour, or pop in to see your granddaughter blow out her birthday candles.
And those hobbies? Whether it’s painting, woodworking, baking, or jewellery making – hobbies are important. They can be a good distraction from pain. Adapt activities if needed, ensure you’re comfortable, and set time limits.
These are just examples – there are many things we give up because of chronic pain. But we really shouldn’t allow it to steal all the joy from our lives.
Best-Laid Plans…
You went to that wedding, planning to stay for an hour. But it was fun — you caught up with old friends and stayed longer than planned.
You went to your granddaughter’s party. Her face lit up when you walked through the door, and she giggled as you played musical statues together.
You painted. You set an alarm for thirty minutes. The alarm went off, but you kept painting – your piece looked so good you couldn’t stop after thirty minutes.
You sat in the garden, trying to photograph a little goldfinch. After about an hour, it appeared, and you managed the perfect shot
But now you are in pain.
Apart from the physical pain, how do you feel? Do you regret everything? Do you wish you hadn’t gone to the wedding or party? Do you regret painting or taking that photo?
When I end up in more pain after doing something I enjoy, I don’t regret anything. I actually call it ‘good pain’.
How can there be such a thing as good pain?
I can think of many words to describe my chronic pain, like aching, agonising, burning, crushing, stabbing, stinging, or thumping.
But after an activity I enjoy, I describe it as ‘good pain.’
The normal reaction to that is: how can any pain possibly be good?
My Good Pain Theory
There are some things in life I enjoy doing, even knowing they could make my pain worse. I think they’re worth it.
Things like seeing friends and family, going to a celebration, talking on the phone, or taking occasional trips out can leave me in agony. Even certain food or drinks trigger torturous pain because of my trigeminal neuralgia.
Many activities will likely give me more pain both during and afterwards — sometimes for several days or longer.
When I have that extra pain, I think about how much I enjoyed myself. I can look back on the memories I made and feel happy, despite the pain. It came from doing something enjoyable — something I truly wanted to do.
I don’t want to give up on everything in life. Pain has already taken enough from me. I won’t let it steal enjoyment from my life.
I’d love to hear from you! What brings you joy despite the pain? Do you ever experience ‘good pain’? Share your thoughts in the comments — your story could encourage someone else.
Thank you so much for reading.
If this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
And feel free to share it with your friends or support groups.
Take care,
Liz.
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Sometimes pain is worth it
Often, too, doing something like painting or spending time with people, distracts us from the pain.
Yes, definitely Trish. We need distractions, and often hobbies can be so rewarding which lifts morale too.
Again, SPOT ON my friend! I never really”got”, the spoon theory until recently. I better equated it with a Draw 4 card if we were going to make “a game”.
I recently was berated by my Mother for my family posts, (ANY past having to do with family) so I set everything Private for a short time.
She said she accessed it though FB and that shouldn’t be possible. So, I need to investigate.
Unbelievable for most I imagine, ME?
Bad, reference below.
Nahhhhh! It’s Everyday Bro!
My work condensing is coming along. Yeah, for that! Physically & Emotionally, I hope this is a strong week for you. I feel it….?!
Thanks Stace. The problem with the spoon theory is that our pain isn’t consistent. Some days we wake up with 10 spoons, some days 3. Some days a shower uses 2 spoons, some days, it might use 6. So I’m not sure that the spoon theory works for everyone.
Hope you can sort out the issue with the privacy of your blog.
Have a good Christmas Stace.
And you summed it up very well, my foggy brain prevents such well-constructed observations!
And a Merry Christmas to you as well. Thank you!
Sorry we’ve had Christmas & a New Year since we last typed. I forgot to reply to this. Yes, my pain constantly changes. I can’t point to a single place. Last night it appeared and felt like I had popped my hip out of the joint. I couldn’t take a step, so I am scheduled to see the Dr who put the recalled knee in me. I can’t go to another Dr. It’s a mess. I hope you are lots better than me.
Have a rest-filled weekend!
This shows how strong you are that even though you are going through some pain still you dont allow it to take control of everything. I will pass this to my aunt who needs to know about ‘good pain’ 🙂
Thank you
Thank you!
I didn’t comment when I read this before. Yes! Learning how to enjoy and participate despite difficulty/pain is so important. “good pain’ is also a concept that I like : )
Hi, thanks for leaving a comment. I’m glad you like the ‘good pain’ idea.
I love that quote “I won’t let pain steal my enjoyment of life.” I also appreciate how you explain the importance of compromise. There are ways we can make our favorite activities more comfortable and prepare for our pain without completely eliminating these activities from our lives. When I was first diagnosed with epilepsy (which isn’t painful in itself, but can be if you injure yourself having a seizure), there were certain adaptations I had to make, but I still enjoyed my favorite activities like hiking.
Hi Kate,
Thanks for commenting. Yes, we do need to find ways around things sometimes, and accept that we can’t do things exactly as we’d do if we didn’t have health issues. But we can still enjoy life. We need to.
I really enjoyed reading this. I admit that there have been times that I have allowed my pain to prevent me from doing every day activities or going out with friends. I think there needs to be a balance between pushing ourselves despite the pain and doing too much.
Thank you. Yes, we need to find a balance. But with chronic illness, the balance could be different every day.
Loved this article! It’s hard to find a good balance of not pushing your limits but also enjoying life. Some activities will be worth the pain on the day after. I guess it’s important to only overdo things when you truly want to and not because others expect this from you.
For me I find that the sometimes very real physical pain of mental illness steals my joy. I know my stomach issues, for the longest time, stopped me going places and doing things! But I’ve learned to just take things as they come, if I’m not feeling up to it I won’t do it. I used to say YES to everything and battle through, now I know thats not what my body needs.
That being said I do fight against it on occasion.
I think we have to find a balance sometimes, but learning to listen to what our bodies need is so important.
It’s hard to give up living and I think “Good Pain” is a concept most people would agree with whether they are chronic pain sufferers or otherwise. Life is short to miss out on weddings and grandchildren. Pacing yourself as you suggested could be beneficial. The people you love should understand your reasoning and it can help take your mind off things if even for a little while.
Yes, life’s to short to miss out on everything. We still need to find enjoyment in life. Short bursts of something enjoyable is better than none at all.
Enjoying the moment and those good times is so important. You can’t close yourself off from all the events and activities that you enjoy. Do what you can and then use the memory of those good times to help you through the pain. And yes, sometimes pain is worth it.
Never learned that there is a such a thing as good pain, what I know is, you do what it takes to make you smile and give yourself the best moment even when you feel like crying. http://www.thecozyme.com
I always try to make it to events, but really do have to limit my time there due to the pain sometimes. It’s a good compromise, and I’m not hurting anyone’s feelings by just not showing up. Plus it really can be a nice distraction from whatever I’m dealing with. Can’t complain about it if I’m having fun! But there is definitely a balance between showing up and not overdoing it to where I’m in pain for days after, or just have to stay in bed.
Finding a good balance is crucial, isn’t it.
Life is full of ups and down, and the best one can do is to enjoy the moment. As long as one’s body can tolerate any activity, then you should try it.
All the very best.
Thank you
I find the more I do, the better I feel. Chronic pain is awful, but it only gets worse when you sit around and don’t move. Staying busy and active releases endorphins, which are natural pain killers. Being social is a mental distraction from the pain. If there is nothing to stimulate the mind and body, you notice the pain and react to it more. That is my 2 cents being a chronic pain sufferer. Daily yoga, power walking, jogging, not being sedentary for more than 30 minutes at a time…that’s the ticket!